I sit on a chair, and ask, ‘Who am I?’
My mind answers with labels – woman, mother, writer, yogi, happy, sad, worthy, unworthy…an endless list of labels, moods and judgements.
As a child, my mind answered differently – daughter, school-girl, dancer, actress, musician, naughty, funny, clumsy, good, bad.
My mind’s labels and ideas about ‘me’ are always changing.
A trillion thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas and beliefs have arisen within me since birth, but they are not ‘me’, because they continuously change and die within me.
And yet, I am still here.
I am always here, directly and intimately experiencing life – I am not the ever-changing story of ‘me’.
Who am I? This simple question peels away everything that I am not – all the stories of ‘me’.
I am not what I’ve experienced, achieved, had and lost. I am not my traumas, fears and worries. I am not my relationships, roles and talents. I am not anything I believe or imagine.
I am not what I was. I am not what I will be.
I am now, an arising present moment. Alive.
So, ‘Who am I?’
I sit on a chair.
Sensations arise – a soft cushion, a firm floor.
Sounds arise – a bird singing, a car engine, the wind.
Sights arise – a window, a tree, a rooftop.
Thoughts arise – who is sitting, feeling, hearing, seeing?
Sounds, sights, sensations and thoughts arise spontaneously, all by themselves. There is no ‘I’ doing it.
Who is thinking these thoughts?
‘I’ is just a story, created by the thoughts, and those thoughts arise all by themselves into the nothingness.
Life is creating itself, moment by moment, always arising.
That’s all there is. Life. Now. One aliveness.
One wholeness of life, expressed in life forms.
I am not living life. Life is living me.
I am that wholeness, that aliveness. Life.
I am the soft cushion, the hard floor, the bird, the window, the tree. I am the one who sees, hears, feels and thinks, and I am also the sight, the sound, the thought. ‘I’ am just one of life’s many expressions, all part of the same, directly connected. No separation.
There is only life, becoming aware of itself.
And that awareness is the endless and unconditional space in which all of life arises.
I am both the awareness of life, and all of life itself. Always changing and renewing, always moving as one.
Peel away the stories of ‘me’ and I am nothing, and yet, I am everything.