I love you, Ego

I see you, Ego. I see right through you.

I hear you whispering lies inside my mind.

I feel you stirring up emotions inside me.

I see your dirty tricks, your manipulations, your cunning plots of deceit.

You are the conjuror of illusions, the ultimate master of fear.

You spin a thousand destructive stories about how I am unworthy, not good enough, a failure. You ensnare me with tales of how the world is a dark and terrible place, where people are cruel and life is hard. You lead me on a desperate and frantic chase for love, fulfilment and safety, dangling empty promises in front of my starving heart – that I can find love in my soul mate, fulfilment in my career, safety in money and material possessions. You trap my emotions in a storm of reactivity, leaving me feeling hurt, upset, angry, insecure, jealous and afraid, whenever you feel threatened. You capture my attention and feed me a story of separation, lack, fear and incompleteness. You torture me, day after day, relentless and unwavering. Sometimes you are harsh and blunt, and other times you are subtle and charming. But you are always here, telling me the story of my life.

Your only mission is to survive, and yet, in trying to survive, you cause me so much suffering. You are like a parasite, sucking the love and wholeness out of me, in your own selfish desire for power and control.

I watch you calmly from the space of awareness in which you arise. I am the quiet and still spectator of your freak show. I witness your thoughts in my head, your words coming out of my mouth, your beliefs which shape my life.

I see you from that untouchable space of awareness, and I know you can’t fool me anymore, you can’t hook me with your sabotaging lies anymore.

But, as I witness you controlling me like a puppet, I feel horrified.

Yes, I am horrified and disgusted, shocked and frustrated, because I see through you, and yet, you are still here, still working your dysfunctional insanity through me. My emotions boil dangerously, as I am filled with an intense hatred and desire to get rid of you.

But, what does this mean?

Surely ‘hatred’, ‘disgust’, ‘shock’, ‘frustration’ and ‘horror’ are all your words, your mechanisms of existence? Expressions of fear… separation… It’s your language, Ego.

How can this be?

Even as I see through you, I am still speaking your language.

Even as I see through you, I am still hooked by you! It’s still you – pretending to be me, seeing through you, but it’s still you, Ego. I know it’s you.

As I realise this, I suddenly see through you, through me, and back into myself, with perfect clarity. I see that when I express my hatred, disgust and horror, it’s actually you, engaging me in yet another form of very well disguised self-hatred and self-sabotage.

And as I see through your double-bluff, I smile calmly as we collapse into one.

Ego, my friend, you are part of the wholeness that is me. You are not to be scorned, hated and rejected. You are to be loved, accepted and embraced. You are already here, arising in this moment, so I can choose to surrender to your existence and fall in love with every manifestation that you are.

Because you are part of the same love and wholeness that I am, and that I witness in each arising moment.

And as I fully embrace you, compassionately and tenderly wrapping my soul around you, I notice that you become very quiet and peaceful, like a sleeping baby, finally at peace after an exhausting and hysterical tantrum.

All you needed was to be loved and held, cherished and accepted.

I love you, Ego.

Sleep softly in your world of dreams, and enjoy your games of illusion and fantasy.

I will hold you safe in my arms as you play out your dream life. I will hold you with compassion and grace. Because I am the space which lovingly allows and witnesses all your games. I am the space in which everything is accepted to arise and fall. I am the space of awakeness in which all dreams happen.

I see you, Ego, and it’s ok.

3 thoughts on “I love you, Ego

  1. Francis B

    Aah this is lovely! The way to peace and wholeness indeed. Grateful for your expression of truth and love!

    Like

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